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Thursday, January 6, 2011

anticipation.

Yesterday began filled with promise.  The long-awaitied American Girl nightie finally came.  The one that matches Kit's exactly and has a ruffle down the front.  And Nana skyped (proving once again that she is the most tech savvy Nana ever) to announce to the kids an upcoming get-away to Florida with the whole family.  Cousins too.  Friends came over after school and the moms languished on the couch, watching Andrea's baby roll inside her tummy while the kids destroyed the house and we didn't care.  Not sure we even heard them in the midst of taking a breather and catching up.
And then a call of a very different nature.  My mother in law is not going to get the liver she needs.  Too sick for the life-saving surgery.  And in an instant the world stopped moving for just a bit and we found it hard to catch our breath.  Are finding it hard still this morning.  Dan immediately left to head up north to be with them and his sisters and his parent's pastor and they had a sweet night of praying together and crying and wondering how to help mom live well in these months she has left.
My mom knew just what to do (she always does), ignoring the email I sent out to my family and calling in her response and then just listening as I did the ugly cry on the phone, thinking of missed things: weddings, holidays, trips to the Sugar Cottage and a million other small and big milestones that we need my mother in law for.  It's caused us to reevaluate.  To wonder if we shouldn't skip ski time on Saturday and head up north instead so we can hang out with her and my dad in law, who is so sad.  To wonder if we can't just skip life for the next few months and move in so we can wring out every last second together.  But life does move on, doesn't it?  And the best thing we can do is try to incorporate her into it more so that we spend the next months making the memories we will need to sustain us when she is gone.   How to live the rest of our lives in the next few months so she can see it?
Praise God that he is a God of hope and the great provider.  Praise God that he knew all this already and has been preparing us for it; we see it.  We do.  Praise God that our citizenship is not on earth, but in heaven.  That this world will pass away and a new earth will be revealed and we will be together again when that happens and even if we aren't, it won't matter cause we'll all have Jesus and that matters most.
So this is me being real.  Sad.  Hopeful.  Weepy.  Challenged.

3 comments:

  1. I love that Jesus is "I Am". He is everything you need him to be when you need it, and he promises he will always be.
    I Am:
    grace giver
    shame lifter
    life builder
    merciful father
    comforting protecter
    healing physician
    sin conquerer
    watchful shepherd
    crucified lamb
    victorious king
    tender watch keeper
    the only one we need

    love you deep

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  2. meggie,
    so sad for all of you. this is one of those "can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around it...got to go through it" things, and it's hard. it will be hard. and.
    i can't imagine there are many things more effective at causing a person to really wonder what he is living for, than watching someone they love die.

    oh, i am praying for you.

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  3. Ugh Megs, Feeling so sad over here for you. Mary is such a wonderful woman. Amen though(!) to the whole last paragraph of your post. Praying!

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