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Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Spent my T.A.T. (time away tuesday) getting counseled, weighing in, and checking in.  And exactly $123.78 and 3.8 pounds later, I've found another little piece of me that was lost (please, God, let it weigh less than 3.8 pounds, cause that would stink).  And I'm only a little bit sorry for driving away the middle-aged guy just minding his own business and trying to read System Analyzing for Dummies, but we needed that couch by that fireplace and sometimes two mamas have to talk about poop, cause that's what we're in up to our knees somedays.  But this is the thing I learned tonight: that there are dark rooms in everyone's life and if you've invited God to live in you, to inhabit your heart, then he needs access to those dark rooms too, not just the pretty rooms that you're proud of and that make you look good.  The ones you've locked because what is behind the door is too painful, too scary, too shameful, too...  And he's standing at the door waiting for your permission to enter, because he won't unless you ask, and then he'll sort through all the crap behind the door with you so you don't have to do it alone.  He'll just throw that door open and go in with you and Satan will be standing in the doorway, sort of pissed and wondering what just happened because that used to be his room, but not anymore.  Not anymore.  I did that tonight.  Just sat in my car and invited the Holy Spirit to go on in.  Help me sort it out and grab that stuff right away from the evil one who wants to keep it all in there.  Gave him an all-access pass to everything.  Take it. And it's sweet and really scary sorting through all the ugliness you've let built up in the hidden parts of you, but when Jesus is there it's ok because he's got your back.  I'm not living in darkness anymore.  Not anymore.
And then you have to find a dear friend (you'll know who you are) with whom you can whisper secrets in the arts section of Schuler's and when you do, you'll find that you're telling some of the same secrets, only with different words and things will become that much safer because of it.  You'll tell a little ugliness, see that she can handle it, then ask if she thinks your jeans make you look fat because you've been wondering all day and haven't gotten an honest answer out of the baby and someone needs to tell you straight up, for crying out loud and life will continue and you'll still be breathing.  Easier even.  Cause that's how God works: ugly, then some levity, ugly, then some levity.  You've gotta love God.  Seriously.
So this is me being real.  And cleaning out the rooms.  And still wondering why Schuler's can't start selling Aquafina.  Then everything would be perfect.


  1. Just think how absolutely beautiful those rooms are going to be when the crew of 3 come with their power and do an early spring clean. I want to be there to see the sparkle.

    love you deep

  2. Stalker from Byron Center, here...needed to hear that today...not that I wanted to...

  3. Welcome Byron Center stalker. I've missed reading your posts. So glad you're back. And glad this was what you needed today. So glad.
    And mom, you are there. ily.

  4. ah, the Holy Spirit does darn good work. i love what He does when you give Him the all-access pass. this makes my heart sing. i know this phenomenon you speak of, and it is truly one of the sweetest things i have ever experienced (and is sweet every time i experience it again). i'm so glad He loves us enough to insist on healing us.

  5. It is something you have to experience again and again, isn't it? Just when I'm celebrating that a room has been cleared out, I realize there is another just like it and by the time that room is cleared out, the state of the first has regressed back into dirt and decay. Thank goodness his mercies are new every morning.