Texting my sisters and mom was not actually helpful. Just sent everyone running for their combs, texting me back pics of things they'd found in their hair. Ummm, I think that's just part of your dinner mom. No, there are not lice having unprotected sex in your hair. It's nearly 11, just throw some teeny condoms and cigarettes at them and go to bed.
As of now, we have are lice free. I have eschewed sleep in favor of feeding the washing machine. You're right Rachel, I should have just hit the laundromat. Sigh. But at least we have this: every soft guy we own is tied up in trashbags in the basement-good riddance. Every pillow we sleep on is in the trash-good riddance. And every piece of bedding is in piles awaiting their turn with the sanitize cycle. I have vacuumed all the mattresses and around the beds, washed every hat we own (except the ones I threw away) and put caution tape over the drawer holding our hair pretties. The kids are all sleeping peacefully without lovies. Without pillows even. On bare mattresses like refuges from a boarding school. We are not messing around. We are on full alert here. We are not messing around.