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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

bold.

This was waiting in our inbox when I limped through the door yesterday, holding my hurt and bearing bags of food.  It called for dropping everything and staring at the computer all through dinner time and then some.  At some point we ordered pizza and had a movie, but as soon as the Smalls were in bed, I was back here, staring at her.  Our sweet girl.  And not only six, count 'em six, pics, but several reports as well that found me digging through our adoption binder for her growth charts so I could graph her out, see where we are in that regard.  And then was heart sick to learn she's lost three precious pounds since our last report.  Has fallen soundly off the growth charts, her little self.  And photos of her impossibly small feet make it clear why she is not weight bearing yet or walking.  But even though we are ready to leave at a moment's notice, we have months left to wait.  Months of her being with the same foster mom, possibly losing more weight, not getting the therapy she needs for those sweet pink feet I long to tickle.  Last month this news would have made me curl up around myself and be sad.  But not this month.
It started with a man on Facebook.  A preacher who needed prayers for his dying wife and chose to go public with them, to ask boldly.  Because, he said, he'd realized that not doing so, that refusing to ask loudly for a miracle was only an outward symptom of his inward doubt.  Fear of painting God into a corner.  Doubt that God's reputation can handle the bad PR that would come of being asked a noble thing and not delivering.  And it spoke to my heart, this boldness.  And so I'm linking arms and asking too.
This baby needs to come home.  Father will bring her here in perfect time, we know that.  And while we have no idea what God's will is for her homecoming, we know that God's will is changeable sometimes.  That the prayers of his people are heard and listened to and, sometimes, used to change his will.  And so I'm asking, we are asking, for a miracle of paperwork.  Our LOA, the next big step, is supposed to take 4-6 months.  We are asking for it in February.  Matilda turns 2 on the 9th.  We long for her.  And so we are asking boldly for Father to deliver her LOA in February, despite Chinese New Year, despite best guess estimates, despite.  Asking boldly because we love a bold God.  Asking without fear of putting egg on Father's face if it doesn't happen.  Asking because we have no other choice.  Asking because we will travel within 3 months of our LOA, so the sooner the sooner, right?
And so you know?  The man's wife has not yet received miraculous healing, perhaps won't this side of heaven.  But the asking of Father and being answered differently does not diminish Him.  Instead, when we ask boldly, the evil one is diminished and Father is glorified, even as it confuses us and offers ample chance to exercise faith.  C'mon Church.  We are to be a Body who asks boldly and accepts graciously.  Will you join me?  And not just for Matilda, but will you ask with courage for the things that seem impossible?  Will you give Father a chance to blow you away?  Will you accept if if He chooses not to?  Will you?
This is me being real.  Telling my children, who are every bit as anxious to get her as I am that we are asking for a Feb LOA because Father can.  Reminding them that we will praise no matter when it comes and that she is held until then.  That we all are.  So thankful for those big hands.

5 comments:

  1. "Asking without fear of putting egg on Father's face if it doesn't happen." This beautiful thought so clarifies for me why sometimes I resist personally asking boldly for myself, my family and others. Thank you for your heart, so courageously thrown out there, and for this plea for your "separated" family. Praying for all of you and for those things I've been holding back.

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  2. Just weeping. For your girl and her lack of appropriate care, for you all as you wait with half your hearts hanging out (mine too, frankly), for all the things I've been too timid to bring to Father. May blessings abound from the boldness. No matter what. Linking arms with you, and on our knees.

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  3. Praying for a February miracle...right now...

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  4. You go my precious Meggie. I am joining in on asking for a Father size miracle in February I think that boldness needs to be more present in our prayer, and real life, but so does acceptance. You articulated both well. love you deep

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  5. Thank you for sharing your heart and wisdom. Really appreciated what you had to say about bolding asking God....and not being concerned about "egg on God's face!" Great insight!!! Praying with you!

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